New Poem

I need somebody who has time for me
That isn't too busy to say hi
I need somebody who is there for me
In good and in bad
I need somebody who understands me
And lets me be who I am

I want somebody who loves me
And will always be in love with me
I want somebody I can care about
And show my appreciation
I want somebody to treat me right
And give me what I deserve

I need somebody that wants to be near me
And around me
I need somebody who stand beside me
But doesn't need to always protect me
I need somebody that appreciates me
That I can show how good i am

I want somebody that can laugh with me
Occassionally at me
I want somebody to hold me
When I'm falling down
I want somebody I can love
Somebody that never goes away

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so lately ive been doing a lot thinking and going back and forth abut what i want. new people are coming back into my life making think hmmm maybe this can be rekindled. then there was that one i keep coming back to but i also think if he can't commit or do something evne though were far away whos to say he would do anything when i got there and if he's too busy now how can he make time ifi wer there. i doubt i'll mve on form that fora bit cuz he seems like a good catch for me. he lets me text vtoo much and still talk to me and lets me be crazy and see things that i probably shouldnt cuz theyre too much like a gf. i can see myself w/ a family but at tha saem time i don't know if i know what love is. dmy roommate and i joke that we need strong men. maybe ewe do. but then gain maybe no ones strong enough for me. idk if i want long teerm. i aslo lost my sex drive for most men. idk i want it all and idwant nothing and i complaion about it and think about it too much and i have no life. i am tryng to get another job htough. wanting to hear back from salon to do an interview i guess. supposed to hear in a day or two. idk idk idk idk lalallalalal ognna get another roommate end of october il lve my friends cna't wdait until saturdsay should be a lot of fun. sorry for thse speellling didnt feel like fixing it. yesi k now i will eventually getit figured out and others are gong trhought it i just feel like i've over atlked it.

i find myself wanting somebody that i keep coming back to. i don't think this person is bad for me, but he does have a habit of not talking to me for periods of time. maybe i'll learn patience and understanding with him. i know he gets busy and i know i get needy. i'm not good with guys anymore. i seem to fumble everything up. part of me also wants to see people here. there's someone coming back soon and has approached me about something and i'm not sure what i'm going to do. a few months ago, it would have been easy. nothing seems easy about guys anymore. work is just as confusing. part of me wants to hold out until october and see what my year raise will be the other part of me wants to move on and find something different. i'm in a constant battle internally. i love people and want to be on my own at the same time. i can like spending time w/ them and can't stand them at the same time. i like to think that i keep most of it hidden because deep down i know its not them, it's me. i'm just trying to figure things out. i want space and get bored alone. i'm complicated creature and that's part of my problem w/ people. i need a break, but no real reason to have it. nothing is going really wrong in my life. i just keep living and hoping for answers and try to get by. i do a pretty good job. ok well enough for now.

Independence Day

I'd like to say thank you to the people in our armed forces. If it weren't for them, I couldn't choose my job or my boyfriend if I ever decide to have one. Without them, we wouldn't be free. That is what today is about. It's not about the pretty lights in the sky or the bbqs. It's to thank people for the opportunities we have so- thank you!

Bring Me Down

i'm not sure what i'm going to say on here. i just feel like my writing has been neglected. that's sad cuz i've been writing for so long. i've done a lot of thinking lately. i filled out my fafsa today. i'm thinking of a major in some sort of nursing or psychology. we'll see what kind of aid i receive. my roommate have been talking about doing a road trip or a fly trip sometime off and on. i think we're leaning towards california. she doesn't want to live in idaho and i'm thinking it would be cool to join her. i'm at a pretty good place. i want a new job, but mine is ok until i find one. i don't know what job so don't ask. i have a better idea of why guys leave me now. im trying to be more chill but i'm not sure how well that's going. for now i guess that's all i have. love ya

dkandof

i so over think things too much. logically, i know that it's ok if a guy doesn't want to talk to you for a few days, but i still struggle with accepting that. i dont' have a lot to distract me or to occupy myself with. i'm kind of a boring person and texting people is communication to me. lol i'm a tech addict i guess. i hope that when my roommate gets back it'll be better. even at work though i have a lot of time doing nothing really. on occassion we play cards, but i still text while i play, i think i have a problem.....hahha.......idk....i hope that i get this under control. i lied. i know i can, i just need that day or two to pass first then i'm good. how long can guys put up w/ me before they decide its not worth it.

thoughts

i think i find someone special someone that can deal with my stuff and actually like me. two texts in one night in a week. second one apologizes for the first. could be apologizing for being intoxicated while sending it, kinda think he's apologizing for the xoxos sent to me in it. thought i was over it. waited like 2 days and texted him after that night. i miss having someone to care about me and have potential. think there's a mole at work, turning people for not doing their job. ya we should be but they should come to us. let lead worker now, feel like quitting before i get fired for stuff. next day think maybe they aren't a mole. figure out one turn in was a rumor, but wasn't good staff one. didn't get yelled at for it. don't feel like quitting as much, but still might turn in applications at some places. what to do what to do feel like one of my friends think i'm just trying to date him. i'm not. just enough his company as a friend. don't think he'd see me as more anyway. not lonely but it'd be nice to have a warm body and a caring heart again. random thoughts in my head. get excited want more get let downish. ugh....sad night for sarah but holding her own

i thought there was a point in my life when i was good w/ guys. i thought i used to be the girl guys wanted, but thinkin back today, i think i was fooling myself with that too. boy still isn't talking to me and a different boy erased all of my pic comments, pretty sure cuz he has a gf now. good for him i guess, but its sad that we're gonna end up not talking probably. i know i shouldn't let this stuff get to me and all that, but i can't help it. i want to run or pull my hair or something i really want to text boy and say can we just like start over, but it's only been 2.5 hours since i texted last. i'm trying to resist texting but it's difficult. especially when i want things to be ok. idk maybe i'm doomed even if i am a great person whatever.....nobody should really care

Feelings

So I started to get to know new boy. He is in town this weekend and I went text crazy cuz I was excited to see him. i haven't heard from him in five hours. I realize that he at a Jazz game and with family so I don't expect a response from him til tomorrow. However, I still really want to know that he's forgiven me for all the texts. I'm pretty sure he'll say it's fine, but I want him to tell me so. I kinda feel like I'm moving on, but part of that is because normally guys move on after getting a few too many texts so I'm already going to that habitual role. It's hard for me to break habits if I can even do that. I know I'm over reacting and all that stuff. It's just frustrating. On top of that, I don't have much gas or money until pay day. Some of it is because I spent a lot...but it's also because I've helped out some friends. I really don't mind, but I'm low on gas and parents have to send money. I don't get paid til Friday and I was looking forward to possibly driving home to Sunday to see boy. With the above mentioned stuff, I'm not sure if he'll even want to see me. (Paranoia rocks). Plus, I'm not sure if I'll have enough gas/money to go. I really want to if he does. Another thing, roommate driving me nuts again. Can't wait til move out day is over!

Rambles

Hello. This is my first post on here. I usually write on myspace. Facebook doesn't have a blog option so here I am. I haven't written anything in awhile. I used to write poetry regularly, but I kind of stopped. I suppose I should start again. Things are changing in my life, for the good. May 10th, I will be moving into a new apartment with my new best friend Sarah T. She's delightful. I get that word from her. We usually have a good time together. I like anyone that can put up with my bullshit. I like most anyone actually. I get my raise at my job this month (April). I work with mentally disabled adults. Most of the time the job is good, it does get really frustrating sometimes though. I'd like to go back to school, but I can't afford it. I know there are grants out there unclaimed, but I've searched for them and don't know how to do it. I need someone to show me step by step where to go. I haven't decided a major, but I want to take some fun classes. I thought about maybe doing medical assistant or something like that. The medical field is the best to go into. Good pay and good security, however, I'm not much of a student, meaning I don't study often. I'm starting to see one of my loans declining which makes me very happy. My friends are amazing- or atleast most of them are. I love them very much and want each and every one of them happy. I'm getting to know this really great person in california and I'm interested to see what will happen. Every time I think someone is different or think that oh- I notice good boyfriend material, it falls apart. Someday that will change. Whoever it is better treat me right. I'm done playing around with idiots who won't give me the time of day and don't give me what I deserve and damnit I know what is now. Anyways, I think this is enough rambling for one day. Thanks for reading if you did. Love ya!