thoughts

i think i find someone special someone that can deal with my stuff and actually like me. two texts in one night in a week. second one apologizes for the first. could be apologizing for being intoxicated while sending it, kinda think he's apologizing for the xoxos sent to me in it. thought i was over it. waited like 2 days and texted him after that night. i miss having someone to care about me and have potential. think there's a mole at work, turning people for not doing their job. ya we should be but they should come to us. let lead worker now, feel like quitting before i get fired for stuff. next day think maybe they aren't a mole. figure out one turn in was a rumor, but wasn't good staff one. didn't get yelled at for it. don't feel like quitting as much, but still might turn in applications at some places. what to do what to do feel like one of my friends think i'm just trying to date him. i'm not. just enough his company as a friend. don't think he'd see me as more anyway. not lonely but it'd be nice to have a warm body and a caring heart again. random thoughts in my head. get excited want more get let downish. ugh....sad night for sarah but holding her own

i thought there was a point in my life when i was good w/ guys. i thought i used to be the girl guys wanted, but thinkin back today, i think i was fooling myself with that too. boy still isn't talking to me and a different boy erased all of my pic comments, pretty sure cuz he has a gf now. good for him i guess, but its sad that we're gonna end up not talking probably. i know i shouldn't let this stuff get to me and all that, but i can't help it. i want to run or pull my hair or something i really want to text boy and say can we just like start over, but it's only been 2.5 hours since i texted last. i'm trying to resist texting but it's difficult. especially when i want things to be ok. idk maybe i'm doomed even if i am a great person whatever.....nobody should really care

Feelings

So I started to get to know new boy. He is in town this weekend and I went text crazy cuz I was excited to see him. i haven't heard from him in five hours. I realize that he at a Jazz game and with family so I don't expect a response from him til tomorrow. However, I still really want to know that he's forgiven me for all the texts. I'm pretty sure he'll say it's fine, but I want him to tell me so. I kinda feel like I'm moving on, but part of that is because normally guys move on after getting a few too many texts so I'm already going to that habitual role. It's hard for me to break habits if I can even do that. I know I'm over reacting and all that stuff. It's just frustrating. On top of that, I don't have much gas or money until pay day. Some of it is because I spent a lot...but it's also because I've helped out some friends. I really don't mind, but I'm low on gas and parents have to send money. I don't get paid til Friday and I was looking forward to possibly driving home to Sunday to see boy. With the above mentioned stuff, I'm not sure if he'll even want to see me. (Paranoia rocks). Plus, I'm not sure if I'll have enough gas/money to go. I really want to if he does. Another thing, roommate driving me nuts again. Can't wait til move out day is over!