i find myself wanting somebody that i keep coming back to. i don't think this person is bad for me, but he does have a habit of not talking to me for periods of time. maybe i'll learn patience and understanding with him. i know he gets busy and i know i get needy. i'm not good with guys anymore. i seem to fumble everything up. part of me also wants to see people here. there's someone coming back soon and has approached me about something and i'm not sure what i'm going to do. a few months ago, it would have been easy. nothing seems easy about guys anymore. work is just as confusing. part of me wants to hold out until october and see what my year raise will be the other part of me wants to move on and find something different. i'm in a constant battle internally. i love people and want to be on my own at the same time. i can like spending time w/ them and can't stand them at the same time. i like to think that i keep most of it hidden because deep down i know its not them, it's me. i'm just trying to figure things out. i want space and get bored alone. i'm complicated creature and that's part of my problem w/ people. i need a break, but no real reason to have it. nothing is going really wrong in my life. i just keep living and hoping for answers and try to get by. i do a pretty good job. ok well enough for now.